For months now, I’ve been pouring my heart and soul into a labour of love: my story of infertility, IVF and the most heartbreaking experience of my life, my miscarriage.
I’ve relived memories and experienced feelings that at one point I didn’t want to bring back to the surface.
I’ve spent hours and hours doubting myself and wondering if what I’ve written is actually any good, questioning whether I should let this story see the light of day, but here’s the thing: In writing my story, I haven’t just remembered those feelings, I can feel them in my bones. I know what it’s like.
I know what it’s like to sit in a crowded fertility clinic and never feel so isolated in your life.
I know what it feels like when it seems like your world is shrinking in and everyone around you seems to be falling pregnant.
I know that desperation of just wanting to know when this nightmare would be over and you would just fall pregnant so you could brace yourself, or know if it wasn’t going to work out so you could stop this experience eating away at your soul.
I know those moments when somebody announces they’re pregnant in public and you feel like you can’t catch your breath.
I know the indignity of yet another invasive procedure.
I know those times when it feels like nobody understands and you have to muster all your energy into keeping your cool while they spew out incredibly hurtful and naive comments.
I know that scary feeling when you see your bank account and wonder whether something as silly as money will come between you and your dream of becoming a parent.
I know the hopelessness of waking up again, wondering whether there is actually any point to you being on planet earth if you can’t do what you’re biologically supposed to do.
I just know.
And I don’t want anyone else to ever feel like that.
On my journey, I also learnt how to survive.
I learnt how to be resilient. And have grit. And how to smooth out that roller coaster so the negative results felt more like setbacks than crushing defeats.
I learnt how to reclaim who I was and start seeing the positive things in life, rather than life being a haze of sadness.
There’s a quote by Charles Bukowski that says:
“If something burns your soul with purpose and desire, it’s your duty to be reduced to ashes by it. Any other form of existence will be yet another dull book in the library of life.”
I feel like in sharing my story I can help other women struggling to conceive, and in sharing my story, I can give their friends and family some insight into what the experience is like when it can be hard to put into words, especially when you’re in the midst and mindset of infertility.
I’ve bared my soul and I’m SO glad that I have, because I am passionate about making a difference. My book is called Screw Infertility! Lessons from a Fertility Warrior. Surviving infertility, IVF and miscarriage.
- Ebook – click here to purchase
- Paperback – either Aussie or US or anywhere else- click here to purchase
My book is also available on iTunes and Amazon – You don’t need a Kindle to read – there is a free Kindle app that you can get for Apple and Android devices. Also, if it says ‘product is unavailable right now’ triple check you’re in the right Amazon for your country.
I hope it provides you with comfort, a fighting spirit, and a friend in me.
Please, please, please let me know what you think of the book, either by sending me a review or reviewing the book on Amazon. It would mean the world to me if you did.